“Take care, son!” said Mom and Dad simultaneously, both beaming with optimism as I get aboard the bus that will take me to the beginning of things — the place where legend meets reality, at least for a hopeful soul from a small town like me. It will be the place where the first step will be stridden; the first letter will be scribbled; the first sigh will be relieved, the first dream will be fulfilled.
“Don’t forget to pray,” added my little sister with eyes that will yearn for me in a span of time shorter than that everybody expects. I know that for sure. I too, will miss her. Those days we both shared childhood stories and dreams bound by nothing but imagination will always be remembered.
I always wish time will pull itself backwards to those times. They were moments worth remembering — moments unmindful of the cruelties of the world; moments that brought, though frail, enduring hope; moments when nothing really matters but love... and play; moments when simple hugs can make each day complete. They were simple moments, yet they have this spark blazing like a burning bush that will take forever to extinguish.
I am on my way to
“I will!” I replied them with vibrant smile, the kind of smile I learned from watching Tyra Bank’s conceptualized reality show America’s Next Top Model — “smize”, smile with the eyes. I made sure to comfort and assure them that I’ll be okay with that smile. It came from the very fibre of my body where my soul and physical form bond, with its truest sincerity and love of them.
The chilling temperature of the bus creeps down my spine, or that’s just what I felt from within — a somehow coldness freezing me to be inert. I’m nervous, I admit. I can’t be too pretentious about that. Everybody gets into their nerves whenever they embark on something that presents nothing but uncertainty. That is where I’m heading. I’m moving towards millions of uncertainties that will, nevertheless, make or break me.
Deep in my thoughts, it is better to keep going and walk off in a direction where neither compass nor wind vain can correctly point. At least, in this way, in the end, no what if’s or, if even if there are, the question can be readily answered. The answer of course, is “Nothing.” Do nothing, say nothing, think nothing (though impossible), and surely, you’ll get... nothing.
I walk down the aisle to look for a seat. I wanted to have mine beside the window. I want staying there; I was just accustomed to. Maybe it was the view from there, or it was just me, or both.
I always wanted to look at the creations (Mother Nature) that delights my eyes whenever I’m on board — the mountains (though many are burned), its trees (though they are getting few); the winding roads (though some unpaved); the traffic and road signs; the rivers rushing down the mountain side (though chocolate-coloured); the green long plantations; the roadside stalls; etc. They remind me of every aspect of living. From childhood to teenage, they allegorically conveyed essential messages that one by one, I uncovered and still discovering.
As a child, I always like mountains with their peak of different level from each other. Every time I look at one, I see another higher than the previous. It just amused me. I even planned to have my house on one of them, at its summit, so I can see and reach almost everything. That was a childhood dream of course. With horrific news of mudslides and landslides today, who else wants to stay up there? Still, they are like my every little ambition. Each time I was able to achieve one, there comes another — higher and of course, more ambitious. That was back then, until I learned about
Like the song, I wished (but my grade school teacher taught me that wishes never come true, so now I’m hoping), winding roads, will take me to the door open to welcome me in its warmest moment. I always come across metaphors about them — they best illustrate the trail to success: Each step, a leap of faith with strength oozing from the hope that one day, with each “careful step”, to borrow a phrase from Frank Sinatra’s classic song My Way, the end will meet. Will my own winding road take me to where I wanted it to lead me? Though that is a self-seeking question, there is no questioning if will it lead me where God wants me to be.
Traffic and road signs give directions but sometimes their reflecting light is blinding leading one astray. As a traveller in this foreign land (I speak here as a human referring to earth), I ought to follow them, lest I want to get lost and remain a slack wanderer in the middle of this time-bound life. I will follow directions; I promised that to myself from the day I realized that heeding, promises valuable things learned only from, yes, heeding.
For sure — the rushing rivers, the plantations, the roadside stalls — hide in them complex messages yet I need to decipher. Maybe it will take me more time, but waiting is always worth the time spent when lessons applies for life. I will wait for that. For sure, I will.
I walk pass each chair until I reach the seventh row to the left, seat number 26 and 27. No one’s there. I can have my favourite space! I sat down and put my travelling bag next to me and immediately look at the window. There are still Mom and Dad, and my little sister as well as Tatay and Nanay, as I affectionately call my uncle and aunt. I used to call them that because they were closest to like being my second parents. They were there when hard times whip, they advice just as well, they scold just as well, and they have hope in me just as well — like real parents. I thank God for them; they’re heaven sent.
I waved a hand for them and front that brave face (like I always did) as the engine ignited and set off. I sit there, my eyes still fixed at the sight of my love ones who I knew I’ll leave for a while to grab a moment in my one step at a time.
“I can do it...”
These are the only words that circle inside my mind as the bus drives away. I know, for certain, I will. Now, I’ll be facing a battle of wills and I decided to claim it early. Never mind that proverbial saying that warns someone not to count the chicks while the eggs are not yet hatched. It applies relatively. In this case it just doesn’t seem to fit now, or it’s just that that I believe otherwise.
I’m on for a new battle in an entirely new arena. Snap! Maybe, it’s the same battle I’ve been fighting for in my mind for long that now is coming to life. I stare at the window passing through all the sights I’ve prepared to see along the road. Then, maybe out of thinking so many things, from the time I stepped my feet in the bus to sitting, I fall asleep.
I got to myself when someone tapped me to ask if I won’t mind having a dinner or something. I didn’t hear it clear enough but I know for sure it’s about eating because we were at the bus stop, the place where passengers get to refresh and wind up a bit or get to eat. I’m not in the mood though but I decided to just get out of the bus. I just don’t like the feeling of sitting for hours and hours with my body feeling like stocked, it makes my nerves like frozen for years. Add the literally freezing temperature of the bus to that!
As I jump out the door, the refreshing warm wind soothes my icy cheeks reminding me that I’m still alive. I wonder how many stop over will I have in my journey toward my goals, stopping when I feel like hungry or slowing down whenever I’m tired. Everybody needs refreshing sometimes. So do I. It`s a refresher, a call to moderate ourselves to something we became addicted to; a whisper louder than a shout to distract our concentration on, sometimes, and they are most of the times, something we never really wanted to.
When life will become so comfortable, maybe, I will need, more than anything else, stops over. It`s something that will remind me to check my checklist from time to time. Have I achieved what I really wanted? Or, transcendently, is this what I really wanted? Before I was able to grasp for any answer to my would-be questions, someone’s calling us, the passengers, to get on board.
Consumed by my spur-of-the-moment thoughts, I hesitantly follow. It’s better to think while on a ride, I thought. As soon as I get comfortable in my seat, I fell asleep again. I just woke up when the fare collector said that we’re already at our destination. That sleep I had maybe wasn’t a peaceful one or I just dreamed of something because I feel more tired than walking.
I got to keep moving. I’m already in a place where dreams will eventually turn into realizations. I filled my mind with positive thoughts. My spirit needs to be awakened.
One. Two. Three. There’s no turning back now. It’s a no retreat no surrender set-up.
Then, I finally stepped my feet in the soil of the metropolis, the place where reality is harsher than in any city in the country. I got to be tough or else I will be trampled on by the animals roaming around this concrete jungle made of dreams.
No comments:
Post a Comment