Depths of the Past

If I reminisce the moments we shine,

Will I hear again you sweet resounding, "Your Mine."?

Will I feel again your warm body lying next to mine?

Or will I see again how your eyes beautifully shine?

If I will reminisce the moments we had,

Will you make me smile again when I am sad?

Will you let me in again, oh, my lad?

Or will yoou remind me again of things I luckily had?

If I reminisce the moments we love,

Will the world's revolution stop its flight

To watch us celebrate even after dawn kisses the night

Because for once I had you - my first love?

(I composed this poem in the Region 2 Higher Education Press Conference for the Poetry Making contest English category. Luckily it placed 3rd and I'm one one of the representative of the region the Luzonwide Presscon on February 2010. By the way the theme is first love so everyone got to make a poem even though some did not yet had any love experience.)

Decisions

Khenard got a message that on this day, God wants him to know...
... that decision is only wishful thinking until you take that first irreversible step.
You can tell yourself that you have already decided, that nothing now can stop you, but if that step backwards is so much safer than step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times.

I wish a decision can be like - as easy as taking a walk in afternoon, just after the sun set. The harmful rays don't scare me anymore nor the problems that I might encounter the next day. It's like collecting back the memories of the chores I just have accomplished, that is, when I spend my day productively. Otherwise, maybe I'm just planning how to accomplish them at night while, still, taking a walk.

Will I double the benefit of the doubt I'm giving right now to my friends? It's a decision. Whether I will or just walk away and leave them and let enjoy each other's company. Anyway, they can always tell me they don't like me. (Oh, I think I really need to). Everybody knows, those things are better to be said than to let the other person feel it. It's more scarier. The people who keep silent are the more dangerous people. It's like the river or ocean. The calmer the deeper. And it most likely to drown you in its abyss.

Another decision to make: Delay gratification. Though I started it last night. I decided to better sleep even at dawn if it would mean accomplishing some things to be cleared before a deadline. This night is another night to decide.

An essential decision to make: Making-up with freinds. Yeah, I mean I need to mend up things before worse turn to worst. Maybe I invested much to waste.

Friday Sickness

Another Friday. It means I'll be having two full classes tomorrow. Management Advisory Services and Law on Negotiable Contracts. Auditing Practice was canceled for tomorrow. That means we don't have class tomorrow afternoon and we'll be watching Numero Uno vs. Number One.

I think it'll be a great bout. Number one in their own right and countries. Who will win? That's the question we want to be answered by Sunday.

I have so many things to do but I need much energy too. I'm quite inspired by now so I guess it just need to continue... studying not just continue but I need progress by now.

Humbled

We had our process costing exam last Wednesday and I never felt like this before. Shit, Its really humiliating. I only got 14/50. That's a real low score comparing to my classmates who got higher than me. I mean really high like 40/50.

When I submitted my paper I know that I will only be getting a low score. In fact, lower than what I really got. I have time to copy my seatmates answer but I don't know. I just don't like copying. My seatmate even said that it was my pride so I didn't ask for his answers. I think otherwise. I really don't want to bother people of my problems especially if it was my fault. I reviewed. Yes, but not that thorough. I was more of scanning than reviewing.

My classmates passed their papers and we stayed at the corridor then they talked about their mistakes. I was like, oh, can't say something at all. I was like ok then I would just shut my mouth because I know I didn't get much of what they're talking about.

Almost in tears but I didn't let them see. I was just my seatmate that he don't let me copy his answers. LOL. I just wanted to shrink from where I sat at the moment so I wouldn't feel that way.

So I hope its a learning experience! I hope it will sink right through.

I DID!

Last night I really planned to at least review one chapter of Cost Accounting for our Integrated Accounting exam this Tuesday and I did. Not just a chapter but two. It calls for a celebration! One bottle of Cobra energy drink and there it went, I was awake until 1am. I reviewed the overview chapter and the average method for Process costing.

For tonight, I will not tell yet what I plan to do because they never get done when I tell so. That's enough for now.

Music, let them come together!

I was listening to Leona Lewis's Yesterday when I boasted that she sings like Mariah to my classmate who I admire of her musical ability in both in hearing and vocals. She said that Leona was beating the notes head tone in the first part of the song and I told her, no she's not and I looked for someone to back theory that Leona is instead singing in her chest tone or diaphragm tne rather. Lucky as I was, I found two of my classmates. But I never really know if she is singing from wherever.

I just listened to David Cook's Permanent and I was moved... really moved both by David's interpretation and vocal power. Who can interpret a song better than its composer anyway? I was hooked by David's talent even since he was still an contender in the much advertised American Idol. I like her own interpretations and arrangements of the song Always Be My Baby. It's like wow. How can he turn a 100% female version to his exactly 100% male version? Them there came the answer, its talent. A thing many musicians today doesn't have, regretful to say.

Then there came the comments on youtube then I was able to grasp the depth from where David is getting the extreme emotion you can get by just listening to it. Watch it live and even by David's facial reactions will carry you away. He's almost in tears but still can belt the high notes that he used to wow the crowd in the show. Go David. Continue invading the audiosphere with your passion and gift.

Yesterday

What happened yesterday? Oh, there's so many things that just pop out of my mind when I say yesterday or even when I just hear it.

Literally, we had our exam yesterday. In Auditing Practice covering topics from Inventories, Investments and Property, Plant and Equipment. I regret telling things that I can never do. Like those things I just enumerated in my last post. How many of did I really do? I'm afraid I wasn't able to accomplish even one. Reviewing 3 chapters in auditing is one of them, at least, not thoroughly. I scanned for once and that's it. I don't know if I'll be able to pass the exam. Oh, let luck take care of it in the mean time.

I was not suppose to attend my Management Advisory Services class yesterday because it was chilly and I was anticipating to attend the internment of my aunt and uncle but I wasn't able to. I woke up late than I was suppose to. When I went to class, I thought they already through but I was surprised that they were still having their class. I just entered the class innocently and explained later that I attended the internment and had my special quiz. (They had an overtime discussing the illustrative examples because our instructor gave them a 40-item quiz). Anyway its only theory so I was able to passed it, 32/40. I am still guilty having used the sad event as an excuse. I am really sorry.

In our Auditing exam proper, we had our sitting arrangement like that of our integrated accounting. I am in the rightmost front corner of the classroom. I have only a seatmate next to my left and to my back. To my left is Mark Dominick and to my back is May Ann to my back. May Ann just let me copy her answers while Dominick and I just compare our answers. If we have the same answer, its for sure we are correct. But today, I'm as guilty. Really guilty because I wasn't able to do what a good student and a aspiring CPA should do. At one instance, our proctor caught me looking directly to May Ann's paper and she just asked me what I am doing and I just bubbly told her that it's nothing.

I wasn't able to hear clearly what her side comment then. I heard it's like, "Gustong-gusto ka pa naman nila." Then silent cheer followed. I just innocently asked, "What?". But I am quite sure that what I heard is close to it. The question is by who? Sinong sila? But that's not the focal point of the story. I should do my part not next time but today, at this very moment.

Talking about auditing practice, our instructor walked out of our class the other week and since then he never attended our class. I know its our fault. I know he was insulted because we didn't do our assignment intentionally. Blame it on our laziness or laxity or whatever. (Did I used laxity the correct way?) I know from the start its our fault and our fault only. We can't blame others for our insufficiencies. Our instructor in this subject is the instructor I like the most of our part-time instructors.

That was yesterday. But today is today, I need to seize it or else it will be like yesterdxay. I was wrong but today, I can be alright. I can say the right words, I can do the right moves and I can plan the next day with much ease without spoiling the day!

Things come, and just come anyway.

I have no post yesterday because I was so busy. I wish that business I'm talking about produced some big difference in my life though. We had our integrated exam in Job Order Costing yesterday. I didn't expect that I would be getting 29/70. Its like, in my imagination, I would only be get 10 or more. It's funny but, I didn't really took Cost Accounting last year seriously. I took it for granted and to see that I got score like that even just flipping like five pages of the review material, I mean I think, I'm good enough. I can still catch up if I will be utilizing my time reviewing not more but most often.

Do I have to sacrifice watching Naruto? lol. I like it I really love the series. I will be posting features I made about Naruto and everything about this phenomenal anime. At. least, that's for what is I know.

We had a swimming party last night. I sacrificed 3 chapters of my auditing problems just to attend bacause of this girl. Luckily, she wasn't able to attend. I mean, lucky because I really don't much time for those kind of things for now. I have so much things to focus on than those kind of spur-of-the-moments. I enjoyed the sophomore's company nevertheless.

Today is the last day of the wake of my uncle and aunt who, as they alledgedly say, were brought to death by "kulam". (I'm using here my journalistic approach this time). I won't be able to attend the wake because I have to review. (Maybe I just need to train and get myself accustomed of reviewing my books everyday). Unless I'll do that I'll pass the CPA board. (Wow, it gets seriouys this time). Back to the 'kulam' thing, my uncle died the day before my aunt's internment. I don't presuppose what my cousins feel this time, but I know they're greiving. If time permits me tomorrow I'll just attend the internment. I think that's a better idea than spending much time in the wake.

I need to catch up on 4 subjects by this time and I hope I will. I need that spark to inspire me. LOL, I need energy as well and a lot of determination.... and money. LOL, anyway, I'll only need the latter when I'm hungry. I just noticed myself this past few days I don't have much appetite even the dishes look mouth watering. I don't know, even some, one rather commented that I'm becoming thinner. What? I don't need to become thin, I exercise not look that way but to built my body better. LOL, still dreaming to become a model. That's not the only reason anyway, I have a problem pulling off my shirts at public during swimmings because of my tummy fats. LOL. (That's a big secret).

By the way, This afternoon I have to do the laundry coz I wasn't able to do them last wednesday, I was not focused enough to finish them. I mean, I did something time bound. I finished the dummy of our first issue of our school publication, Yes, I hope we will beat the deadline this time.

lucky

i feel lucky today, I woke up undecided if I will go and cover the blessing of the chapel of the Our Lady of the Visitation Seminary or just stay home, wash our clothes and review job order accounting for our integrated accounting tomorrow. After minutes thinking and rethinking, I decided to go, after all its my commitment to cover the event, I mean it will speak of me in the end.

I was late in the mass but I am lucky I attended, Bishop Nacua celebrated the mass and blessing ceremony was delighting scene. It felt like a real solemn religious ritual. I like the singing choir thing. The voices just float in the chapel like heavenly angels'. I met the Roberto Alingog, the President of the Alingog Group of Companies who happened to be the main sponsor of the chapel construction, I saw Gaudioso Talavera, also a CEO of his family company and many more socialite in the province.

I hope to review all my lessons and just catch up with all the topiics we already discussed. 3 chapters in Income Taxation, 4 chapters in Law on Negotiable Contracts, 3 chapters in Auditing Problems and a chapter in Management Advisory Services.

At night, before the news program, I hope finish washing clothes or soaking them. Haha, it'll be tiring but I guess have all the energy to do them all, so I guess, I'll start working!

Lost

wow, i don't know how to feel after such disaster (I don't even know if it's a disaster or not). I just feel so wasted (emo again!). I need to clear the space between us and I feel it isn't the right time either. It's like searching the ocean for something precious as a diamond ring or something.

Coping isn't easy!

If only i knew that I would love my course I would have used my time very well and spent it browsing relevant books. Now, I have to catch up with all the lessons i toook for granted. It isn't easy. I have to stay until early morning (that is If I have the drive). For times I'm not that inspired until 10pm is ok.